What Goes Around Comes Around

Everything you say, everything you do, everything you try to feed into other people's minds... it's all gunna come back to you. And when it does, it's gunna hit you real hard the least moment you expect it to. So don't expect to stay on top all the time. People may not talk back against you like you do to them but it just shows how much of a low life malignantly insecure person you are. You may feel superior just because people don't talk bad against you when you do them worse, it's just that people wouldn't wanna stoop to your level. You can actually blabber about all the tiniest fault you find in others and all the what nots but that still doesn't make you any better than any of the people you target. If that's what makes you feel better, then go ahead and indulge. But at the end of the day, it still won't make you even a little better because your insecurity will slowly eat the whole of you. Listen to yourself in silence. Tell me, how would you like to be remembered??? Karma's a b*tch and it sure does know how to make your life miserable. Say hi to karma for me when it finally find its way to you.

30 August 2009

Old Friends in a Different World♥♥♥

The past two days I spent with two persons from my past.
It felt real good to relive a part of me I don't get to make use of in my new world...

• the carefree Shengoy who laughs at the littlest things.


• the careless Shengoy who says whatever is in mind and will not be afraid of being rejected because the truth is what her friends would want to hear.


• the uber kulit Shengoy who can just be clumsy and childish, and get someone else's lollipop straight from a friend's mouth and just laugh it off and exchange lollies with her friends when her lollie's flavor is getting boring.


• the ultra poised Shengoy who wouldn't mind losing her poise just to do fun stuff with her friends.
  
  
• the kikay Shengoy who can be all maarte and mataray and maingay without the fear of being stereotyped.

These symptoms of me are still part of the person I am now.
I'm still the same Shengoy, only "different".
I'm still the same Shengoy, just with different manifestations.
But the little girl in me is still the same.
It's just that when you're in a different world, you are sometimes forced to become another (yet the same) person.
The world is changing and I'm changing with it.
But the past two days made me realize that despite being a different person in a different place, the presence of friends can make you feel and be the same person you are when you are with them.
And so, despite the busy schedules and different worlds we live in, I'm glad I was able to spend time with two of the people who know me way better than most people I know. :)

17 JULY '09, Friday
10:00AM - went to school
03:00PM - went home to change, went to Helsey's for the thesis.
06:30PM - met up with Raymund at Ayala where he "gave" me the chicharon he supposedly bought for me but ended up eating most of it on the way to Zyra's and left two pieces of it (just because he can't finish it off anymore due to his thirst) and gave it to Zyra.
07:10PM - went to Blue Magic and bought the anthrax baby gift for Zyra.
07:15PM - on the way to Zyra's.
07:35PM - arrived at Zyra's, met some new faces, ate a lot, danced, sang, drank a little, took lots of pics, went crazy, talked a lot, laughed some more.
11:45PM - bid goodbye but ended up taking more pics, and said a dozen goodbyes that turned into more talks.

18 JULY '09
12:10AM - finally went out of the gate, happy about the gathering, sad that it had to end, anxious to get to get back to Helsey's place for the thesis.
12:20AM - arrived at Helsey's and off to working on the nabitin na thesis.
08:30AM - ate breakfast with the thesis group, went home, printed the output, took a bath, went back to school, submitted the first part of the thesis, went back to Zyra's place after.
01:00PM - arrived at Zyra's place (again), had lunch, talked a lot, went up to her room, took what seemed like a 10minute nap, and waited for Raymund to arrive.
03:00PM - uber talked (as usual) and ate M&M's while watching TV
04:00PM - cooked lotsa popcorn, made iced tea. TV session.
06:30PM - left Zyra's place with Raymund, went to Paseo Arcenas to eat, dropped by Chains, looked at lotsa stuff, accidentally damaged a dog's eye printed on a mug (ooops!) and laughed so hard we had to go out before someone finds out. And oh, we were trying to keep our eyes from rolling over some annoyingly loud teenagers at the PUJ!
09:00PM - went to Ayala, wandered inside FullyBooked, played kiddie games at Timezone and hammered lotsa alligators' heads, lost over an air hockey game, felt like a kid and rode a kiddie ride and took pics, played some shooting game that made both of us scream in enthusiasm (haha), ate this uber indulgent chocolate cake at Postrio, took crazy pics, and talked more. (the talks Zyra would like to refer to as the convos that make us realize we are indeed getting older)
11:50PM - lights at the Terraces are gradually being turned off one by one. Postrio closed already. Good thing we were outside so we get to keep our seats.

19 JULY '09
12:00AM - been wide awake for more than 24 hours already. Another day ended. Still at Ayala till more lights went off.
12:05AM - we soon realized we had to go home already. Terraces is getting darker. We queued up for a cab, talked some more.
12:20AM - I reached home with both a smile and frown. Happy that I get to spend some time out from the world with my old friends and sad that I am back to the real world in a snap.

Approximately 16 hours spent with those two people truly made me feel like the old person I used to be. Sometimes, there is a comfort in revisiting the things that we love when we were young. And that's what I found: COMFORT. :)

Thanks guys! The three of us lived separate lives in totally different worlds when we left HS but now that the three of us are living in a world far from CDO, it brings comfort knowing there are familiar faces that brings the same ol' solace.

And that's when I felt that

I'm hoping to seeing more of you. :)

MWAHUGZ!♥♥♥

20 July 2009

Afterthought, Aftermath

Coming out of a very unsuccessful relationship, I figured it was more than a failure. It was a mistake. And I should've been strong enough to acknowledge that from the start. I was selfish and only thought of how I felt, ignoring the fact that I was in no position to fight for anything. I kindah felt it was only about how I'm feeling and how I want things to be and so I fought as hard to get there. I thought I was happy but I figured later on that I was only trying to convince myself so I can show the world that I am.Truth is, I was struggling every minute of it because I wanted so much to prove to everyone and to myself that I made the right decision. I know deep inside that I didn't. I kept it all to myself because I was so damn afraid to admit it to anybody. Myself included. I kindah hoped that if I didn't say it out loud, I can just make it all go away and things will fall into place without anybody noticing I made a mistake. But it dawned in on me that just because you don't mention something out loud, doesn't mean it doesn't exist because the more you try to deny it of its existence, the more it haunts you till you set things right. I was foolish enough to think that it was love just because it was something I never felt before. It was like going back to the highschool melodrama of relationships. The going-against-all-odds-thrill it brings you. Oh wel, I used to have this fancy for the "I don't care what the world friggin' thinks. I love you and it's all that matters" type of relationships. Talk about being a sucker for "love"! But then I realized, if you start your relationship wrongly, chances are, you might end up wrongly, too. Why choose to start it that way when you can always start right? Some people are just too impatient to wait for certain timing and I was one of those. I admit. But after having gone through one helluva relationship (if you can call it that), I came to a clear resolution that I will no longer vie for the "oh yes he's fighting for me" drama because if things are really bound to work out, you won't have to go against the odds just to get to where you wanna be. It's always a better, greater feeling when you start things at the right time, for the right reasons, and with the right person. It's always a nicer feeling when you won't have to fight against time, against circumstances, and against anyone just so you can be with that one person. And it will always be a lighter feeling when you get to where you are without hurting anybody else in the process. Of course the road will not be very smooth all throughout but you'll be happier when you know you've gone far ahead at you own expense and not that of others'. Given a chance to go a few steps back, I surely will change things for the better. But knowing that I can't, I might as well stay on the positive side and gather all the broken pieces, put it all together, and see the bigger picture. I must learn what the situation is trying to teach me. I've done all of that already. I admit I was broken for a while but I also am thankful it happened to me. It surely led me to a better place, a better person, giving me all the right reasons to keep on going. It surely prepared me for the person who seeks me through God. It surely prepared me for that better place. And it surely makes me believe that at this very moment, I'M ALREADY THERE. =)

28 May 2009

In a Trance ♥

Your eyes met mine.
The world stopped.
Nothing else mattered.
Just one glance and the world stopped.
You looked away.
I cant help looking at you still.
My heart beats fast,
Time ticks slow.
I wanna stop time,
Just stay in that moment,
If only time could freeze.
For once...
Forever.
But time ticks back to its normal pace
Just as it always did.
But I'll be stuck in that moment,
That one place in time.
That glance,
That chance.
I'm in a trance.
I'll remember that by heart.
If that's the closest it can bring me to you...
That glance,
That chance.
It brings me to a trance even when you're a thousand miles away from where I'm at.
It won't change a thing still.
The thrill it brings creates a longing
But it brings me to where you are.
That glance,
That chance,
And I'm simply in a trance.

To a Friend I Used to Love

Once there was a love I never thought would surface. We were friends, oh yes we were. And close friends at that... He was one of the trusted friends I used to confide in at times the world is at its insanest peak. He was the one I instantly run to every time I need a hand to hold. I was in an against all odds relationship at that time... And he was the one who always finds his way to me at times my heart bursts with tears and sadness. The mere thought of his friendship makes my gloomy days brighter and my heavy mood lighter...

The scenario was always like that till the time i had to leave. I had to leave town, and my relationship, too. I went on to find another life, another love, another world... And as days moved into months, I didn't notice how time went by fast. Years passed and I came across my old love. I came across my old friend, too. I thought the old love will be rekindled. Little did I know that another love will. The old friend confessed of something I never thought possible. But, yes. He did confess of how he felt back then. Was I surprised? Partly. But was I happy? In a way, I am. Because subconsciously, the existence of that old friend is one of the things that helped me make it through.

We may not have kept the friendship alive all the years we were apart but we never put an end to it either. And at that instant, I felt the surge of something I never thought possible between us. He belongs to someone else.

I may never understand why he had to tell me what he felt years ago, or if he still felt it at the time 'cause we never talked about it. But I'm glad that at a portion of his lifetime, he felt for me. I am guilty of making him feel otherwise and of never admitting this to him ever, but... At a portion of my lifetime, I felt for him too. I just didn't have the right to tell him and I didn't wanna complicate his life. But, yes, I DID FEEL FOR HIM TOO. And it took me a while to finally face it. Maybe we were both cowards not to face what we both felt. Or maybe we just didn't feel it at the same time. But we did feel for each other at some point in our lives and that's enough for me. I may not be able to say this to him upfront, but in case he'll need me, he still can talk to me the way he used to... Under the stars, sharing the same pillow... Sharing the same friendship. :)