20 February 2010

Flatline

Flatline- (verb) Die; with reference to the condition when the heart stops beating and the person dies.

Flatline. Heart no longer beating. This is generally when a person dies, feels no more, and moves on to a better place. All the pains, the worries, the dramas are left behind in this worldly world.

Minority would be thankful for the passing of a loved one as it allows the latter to pass on to a place where pain does not anymore exist while majority would cry over the loss.

I would go for the former.

Generally, when a person is in great pain, he would rather stop breathing than be tortured every single second of his life. Sometimes, a dying person stops fighting for life and would just want to “go home” instead. Sometimes, one would just want to leave the hurtful world he lives in just to escape the pain.

Flatline. No more signs of any lub-dub in the heart. Signs of life slipping away swiftly.

This might be a post-Valentine realization brought about by my post-Valentine coffee date with Sai or just one of the dramas of yet another sleepless night. But, yes, just like Sai, I no longer see signs of life (or hope) to the sitch we are in, thus, the label FLATLINE.

Flatline because just like what reflects in the monitor when a person dies, our lines would’ve been flat by now had we been connected to some device. Flat not because we are literally dead but because not a zigzag line can be seen as a glimmer of hope of reviving what could’ve been beautiful.

As I have said, given the chance, if it’s only possible, I would go for being happy over a lost love because I’d rather see it as allowing the person to be in a better place. Not because I still am in the realm of martyrdom but because I believe that if I have given all I can but the person still chose to leave, then I no longer have any business with him. I suppose the same goes with Sai. It’ll hurt for a while, yes. It might even suck. But in the long run, we both realized that the beauty is in the attempt.

Still, though my wounds are fresher than that of Sai, it doesn’t mean she hurts any less. And though we can both smile about it now, it doesn’t mean even the slightest zigzag lines can now be seen. None is in sight.

Had we been dying persons, a “DO NOT RESUSCITATE” sign would’ve been placed by now. This is because we, too, would want to move on to a better place.

I cannot speak for Sai but at there are times I chose to wallow in pain because that’s the only thing I have left of the loss. The wiser part of me knows better though. I’d rather stop breathing to make my heartbeat eventually stop.

I’m in pain but I’d rather keep my silence.

And this is where the *sigh* part comes in. I’D RATHER BE IN A FLATLINE.


When you're in great pain, who wouldn't be?

No comments: