Meeting Halfway

The other night, a good friend asked me something that made me think deeply. Is marriage worth it? Are the sacrifices one makes for the other's happiness enough to stay married? It took me a while to send him my reply. I want to give him an answer that can actually help. So I asked myself the same question. Are the sacrifices one makes for the other's happiness enough to keep a marriage? Or any relationship for that matter? The question left me dumbfounded for a few minutes as I stare at my phone. Then came my reply.

Only he can answer that for himself. Whatever is happening to him and his marriage, only the both of them know the whole of it. Her story may be different from his but if they put it together, that makes their story whole.

How far can your commitment go? Only you can answer that. It varies with one's definition of commitment, too.I'm no expert on relationships. At an early age, I've fallen way too many times than I planned or wanted. But this I know: if I give myself, it's all or nothing. No in betweens. It's hard for me to know when enough is enough. It bewilders me everytime. So to answer another's relationship predicaments may not be a thing meant for me cuz I, too, am experiencing some of my own.

How one deals with his relationship dilemmas is very relative. Sure, one tires along the way. One grows weary and cumbersome as kilig moments turn dull and everything else turns into a routine. But one can't expect for everything to be magical every second, can one? Magical moments soon turn into reality and this is where true love and commitment is measured. Ideally, love is supposed to make us happy all the time. But in reality, love goes through a point when holding on is hard as hell because things are not as magical as it once was. It's just a phase, however. Something everybody goes through. It's just a matter of handling it. That's how we all differ. Once you get out of that phase with your relationship still alive, it'll only make the relationship stronger.

This is to say that communication is the key to EVERY relationship whether romantic or just platonic. Otherwise, you'll just keep on guessing what the other is thinking. On the contrary, communication has always been guys' dilemma. They refuse to say what's on their minds for various reasons only they can understand. There are times when you're poles apart as to which direction to take, whose need is to be addressed first. But you don't always have to be in the same direction, do you? Sometimes it's more important to meet halfway. Sometimes, one will just give in to the other's wishes just to close the case, end an argument, and call it a day, even when it denies you of what will make you happy. Well that's not always how it's supposed to be and we all know it. We can't make other people happy if we're not happy. Sometimes we forget that it also is important to make ourselves happy. Maybe this is when we should start resetting our priorities. Cuz no matter how strong we think we are, we will always reach the end of our threshold.

That same question suddenly made me evaluate my current status. Everyone who knows me knows quite well that I am very open and straightforward. Communication on my part is not an issue. However, communication doesn't work on a one-way street. No matter how open a person is, a response is always needed. One can't always keep guessing what the other wants, feels, needs... And one shouldn't let the other keep guessing or give in to his wishes. As with any relationship, channels must be open both ways. Otherwise, no issue can be solved. It may not be visible on the surface but it will always be kept inside like a dormant volcano. Silent on the outside but waiting to erupt on only God knows when. It's always easier said than done, I know. There really are people who find it hard to express how they feel, what they want, how they want things to be. How easy is it to admit one's fears, one's insecurities, one's doubts? No one's an expert on that. Still, it must not be kept for life.

At one point, we all need to let it all out, find some sort of relief... But the question stands still.Are the sacrifices one makes for the other's happiness enough to keep a relationship? Well if I am to answer that for anyone, as martyr as I am, I'd say yes. I'd take all of what I need to take (and even those I don't) just to make the other happy. When I commit myself to someone, it's always all or nothing. No in betweens. Just black or white. No shades of gray. Still, no matter how far from sight the end of my threshold is, there is still an end. So I might need someone who understands that no matter how strong I am, I do feel weak at certain times, too. I don't need someone who'd say yes to all of my heart's desires. Just someone willing to meet me halfway. I think the same goes for any relationship. It's inevitable that you don't get to agree on things all the time. But if you agree to disagree and respect each other's differences, at the end of the day, things will be just fine.

Nothing's more perfect than having someone who sees beyond your imperfections, your flaws, and foibles. That beats all the notion of perfect relationships. And if one is sensitive enough, one won't wait for the other to ask him to meet halfway. Cuz if one is sensitive enough, he'll be on his way without him being asked. So how do I know all these, you might ask? Well I've been into a roller coaster of emotions just to get to where I'm at. Now I know way better than just pray for my heart's wishes to come true. I find it more important to pray for the other's fulfillment of dreams. Martyr much? I told you so... *wink*

4 November 2009

Knowing is Better than Wondering

I've never been an avid viewer of Grey's Anatomy. But I must say that I am an avid reader of Meredith Grey's quotable quotes. And here's one of those I've read that caught my attention. =)

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."


This goes out to those who would rather wonder than try, those who would rather deny oneself of what could've been beautiful because they're too afraid of what it might turn out to be, and most especially to those who let time pass them by in hope of a more perfect moment than the present. Truth is, today is just as perfect as it can be tomorrow. More perfect even. And you might not realize it for now but you may be among those who are watching what could've been the most beautiful thing pass you by because you are too afraid to try today.

Don't let time pass you by cuz most likely than not, it might not come again. As it has been said, knowing is better than wondering. Don't spend your tomorrows wondering what yesterday could've been had you only made that first step that leads to making your dreams happen. The happiest of people come from those who tried and not from those who spent their nights thinking of what-could've-beens and what-ifs. Never be afraid to try cuz you never know what's waiting for you.Ü

ShengoyÜ

3 November 2009

The Wonders of Waiting

To stop and wait for the right time. It's one of the things I find the hardest doing. I've always been the "right now" type. I go for whatever I want whenever I want regardless of the consequences, regardless if the whole world thinks otherwise. I go for whatever I want the moment I know I want it. I find no sense putting it off to another time when I can spend more time enjoying it if I go for it right away. I don't see the logic in delaying it and wasting time not having it when I know I'll go for it later anyway.

I used to think it's the same story but without the waste of time. I used to believe it's the way I'm gunna be 'til time goes by cuz it's how I've always been. Add a "take it or leave it" attitude and imagine how crazy it is to deal with me.

But someone came along and initiated the change I never thought I'd succumb to: I'm now learning to wait. This person may not know his impact on my mindset but, yes, he made me take that first step: to at least try to see the wonders of being able to wait. For the right time, for the right reasons, for the right means.

Being the "there's always a right time for everything" type that he is, he refuses to tell me things I've been bewildered about. He refuses to let me in on his mind. No matter how I try to make him spill just even a little, there's no way he'll slip and give me a clue. Somewhere at the back of my mind, curiosity and paranoia is killing me. But somewhere at the bottom of my heart is the faith that this is leading to something better. I dunno where this is leading exactly but I'm sure this is leading to something better. It taught me to wait, that's one big thing already. And although it's driving me crazy each passing day not knowing what I'm waiting for, this is still a blessing to me because it gradually is taming the restless part of me. More importantly, this is teaching me everyday that delayed gratification is more fulfilling than instant gratification.

Now don't they always say waiting is the most important thing one can do for the one he loves? While that stands true, I say waiting also gives the opportunity to change one's mind. The former being the ideal and the latter being the ugly truth. Since I still am learning to see the wonders waiting can bring, I can't say I won't change my mind in the course of waiting most especially because I still know not what I'm waiting for. But being the "I know what I want" type, I know I'm standing by this for as long as I can. The only time I'll be quitting is when that person gives me enough reasons to. And while I can change my mind, he also can anytime. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed with the hope that this is in fact leading to something better. If not, then I'll keep my lessons with me and move on to another chapter. Whatever the case, this caused me to make me want to wait for the unknown. And that itself is something I salute him for. So here's to you. You know who you are. KUDOS!

29 October 2009

See Yah Later

Partners in crime. That's what we are, Aiai and I. We may not have practically grew up together, we may not be together everywhere everytime but we see to it that whenever crisis arises, we are there for each other. We rarely see each other even but that was never a hindrance for courtesy calls. :)

Catching up is never a task for us because, for those who don't know, we are literally "tabian". We grew up away from each other but everytime we have family gatherings, which are scheduled more than five times a year, we are inseparable. We go out once in a while and have what seems to be a never ending talk about stuff and during one of those talks did we realize that we are indeed not getting any younger. From "boys" to "guys", from just us to our family issues, and a whole lot more...

I never thought I'd feel this sad that she'd be leaving. Her 2 weeks vacation trip alone made me miss her knowing we'd be that far apart... How much more now that no more than 2 weeks later after she got back, she'd be leaving again? This time, for good... Honestly, I didn't know how to take it. Not that it'll make any difference. There'll be no pulling of sleeves, people. I support her decision and she knows that. It's just that, i suddenly felt we could've spent more time together and all that. For a while I kindah felt I'm losing my bestfriend. Then I realized, I'm not losing anybody. We're just growing up. :)

I still can't help but feel sad that she's leaving. Thinking of all the family affairs, most especially Christmas, without her is making it hard all the more. And i honestly can't help but cry. ( I know, I know.. We both promised there'll be no tears). But more than the sadness, I know she knows how much I support her decision. We've talked about this way too many times. Back to the days when our dreams were far too elusive. And now that hers is just a flight away, I'm happy that her dreams are one by one coming true.

Looking back, we were just young girls oblivious of what life will be like. But sitting in that corner with her, having our last coffee break, I have seen how much we both have grown. I guess I'll be missing her for awhile. Thanks to FB communication won't be as hard anymore.

As she said, no tears, no goodbyes, only "see you later". A few hours from now, she'll be stepping on that plane and chase her dreams. My prayers will be with her always. I'm gunna miss you, Ai. You know that. But I'll surely see you later. Thanks for making that first step. That makes my dreams closer than I hoped for. ;)

I wasn't planning on doing anything like this for you cuz we both were avoiding the tears. But remember what Bob Ong said? "ayos lang umiyak, hindi ibig sabihn niyan WEAK ka. sa katunayan pa nga, yan ang magpapalakas ng loob mo." So there... Let's be cheesy this one time. :)) I wasn't expecting anything cheesy, Ai, but since you started with that cheesy album description, then here's my reply.

I'm gunna miss you but I'll catch you on FB. I'm gunna miss you but please know that I'm happy for you. I'm gunna miss you but I'm confident Lloydee will take good care of you. I'm gunna miss you and the comfort you bring. I'm gunna miss you. Period. I'm gunna miss you but I'll surely see you later. ;)

I can't promise you there'll be no tears but I can promise you my all out support. I'm gunna miss you, mam. See you later! Know that even when we're that far apart, I'll still be the same Sheng you can tell e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g and a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to.

You will surely be missed but I'll be looking forward to seeing you again... In SG! ;)

Luv yah!

22 October 2009

Beautiful Girls' Mushy Exchange :)

This exchange of mushiness occurred more than a year ago. I was going over old FS comments when I saw these statements. So since Zeera and I don't get to talk as much as we'd like to, I decided to repost this to remind us both that despite our ultra dili mag abot na scheds, we, beautiful girls have more than enough reasons to look at the brighter side of life. =)

FROM SHENG TO ZAI

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE:

1. YOU TELL ME BLUNTLY EVEN THE MOST HURTFUL STUFF WHEN I NEED TO HEAR IT AND STILL MANAGE NOT TO HURT ME.

2. YOU BEAR MY KAHIBANGAN EVEN AT THE DIREST TIMES.

3. YOU LISTEN TO MY RANTINGS & RAVINGS AS IF IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD.

4. YOU SHARE MY PAIN. (YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN)

5. WE TALK AS IF WE SEE EACH OTHER EVERYDAY.

6. WE MAY NOT TALK FOR AGES YET WE MANAGE TO KEEP UP EVERYTIME.

7. WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY MATTERS TO ME.

8. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK. (YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AGAIN)

9. WE KNOW EACH OTHER'S SENTIMENTS EVEN WHEN WE DON'T SAY IT.

10. WE MANAGE TO REMAIN FRIENDS UNDER THE MOST
COMPLICATED CIRCUMSTANCES.

11. WE THINK ALIKE BUT DECIDE DIFFERENTLY. HA HA HA

12.WE DECIDE DIFFERENTLY BUT STILL MANAGE TO BE HAPPY FOR EACH OTHER.

13. WE REMAIN HAPPY EVEN AT THE LOWEST TIMES.

14. I FEEL BLESSED JUST BY HAVING YOU.

15. YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER EVERYTIME MY PARANOIA STRIKES --- SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DEAL WITH IT. AND IT'S BECAUSE, AGAIN, YOU SHARE THE SAME SENTIMENT. HA HA HA.

LUVYAH GA!

FROM ZAI TO SHENG

HERE'S FOR A GOOD FRIEND, CHELLO MAE "SHENG" TEVES DICO:

JUST LIKE JOJO TO SEAN KINGSTON.. THIS IS THE BEAUTIFUL GURL'S REPLY.. HAH HAH!

I LUV YAH TOO BECAUSE:

1. I HONESTLY THINK U KNOW ME BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. WHAT I CONSIDER CLASSIFIED INFORMATION NEVER EVADES YOU COZ U’D ALWAYS KNOW ANYWAY, NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO KEEP IT.. LECHE KA!=P

2. UD WILLINGLY SHAKE OFF POISE JUST TO DO OUTRAGEOUSLY STUPID THINGS WITH ME. [LIKE MUKAMANG PASULOD SA GAMAY NA HOLE TO GET INSIDE A LOCKED ROOM WHEN WE HAVE THE KEY!!!, ANG BADDER2X PA! NAUNSA D GYUD KO KA GET OVER A2!]

3. OUR STANCES OFTEN GET POLES APART BUT WE NEVER ARGUE WHO'S RIGHT OR WRONG.=)

4. WE HAVE THIS STRONG AFFINITY TO GWAPO & SMART GUYS PRO PASTILANANG WA GYUY MGA KLARO!!! NO WONDER U FEEL FOR ME.. PERO AS WE PUT IT, BA-SIN BUSY LANG CLA.. ILUG NA LANG TANG MICHAEL SCOFIELD ANI GA! NAH UTRO PUNG BUSY! WALA GYUD TA ANI. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

5. U EFFECTUALLY CONVINCE ME THAT THINGS WILL END UP OKAY EVEN WHEN I FEEL LIKE ALL HELL'S BREAKING LOOSE..

6. WE SHARE A PREMIER ALTITUDE OF INSANITY. NEED I SAY MORE? HAHA!

7. U SEEM TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN ME THAN I HAVE FOR MYSELF, UL BUILD A CAREER BY BEING MY SPIRIT-BOOSTER!=)

8. I CAN OPENLY TELL U UR GAGA AND U’D JUST SAY MAO PISTI JUD! I SALUTE UR HONESTY. HAHAHA..

9. U PROVED ME WRONG.. U WERE DEFINITELY MORE THAN JUST THE ULTRA-ARTENG GURLALOO I USED TO HATE IN GRADE 6. HAHAHA!

10. U COUNTER MY EMOTIONAL PASSIVITY. I THINK IM 0.0000001% LESS PASSIVE NOW THANKS TO U. =P

11. WE AGREED TO BE FILTHY RICH AND THAT WE'D DO IT TOGETHER. =)

12. I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON U EVEN IF WE'RE A MILLION MILES APART AND HAVE NOT SEEN EACH OTHER FOR AGES..

13. WHEN IT COMES TO LIFE'S DRAMATIC STIRS, WE CERTAINLY HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. IT SIMPLY HELPS TO KNOW I'M NOT ALONE..

14. U CONTINUE TO URGE ME TO GET A BOYFRIEND.. WITH UR RELENTLESS MOTIVATION, I'M POSITIVE I WON'T BE A SPINSTER-----SOMEONE WE'RE BOTH AFRAID OF TURNING OUT TO BE, ONLY WE HAVE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REASONS! HAHA..

15. OUR OH-SO-SENSELESS & MUSHY CONVERSATIONS ARE THERAPY.. ABOVE ALL, U MAY BE BETTER-LOOKING THAN ME, BUT I'M CERTAINLY TALLER THAN U! WOOHOO=P

Here's to us GGs! :D We'll always be GGs and I'm glad we're okay with it!

19 October 2009

I ♥ CDO

Living in a new world is liberating. A new city, new town, with new faces and new places... It gives you the air of just caring less but being more. It gives you the freedom to do things you want to without worrying about too many eyes watching, too many mouths waiting to comment, and too many ears waiting for yet another story passed on.

I've been living in another world for a good five long years yet I still feel like an outsider half of the time. At times I'm grateful for being able to get out of getting used to being in the limelight, most times I miss the comfort of the people who has seen the worst in me yet still chose to look at the better side of me.

I may have gotten rid of a lot of things that associate me with good ol' CDO --- the expressions and such --- but the bigger part of me will always, always remain there. I may have been to other places, met a lot of other faces, been through a lot of other experiences, still, nothing beats the comfort of CDOC. Well a lot of people find it weird how I don't go out as much as I used to in CDO considering there are more spots here than there ever was in CDO. I only have one answer to that: the crowd. I miss having to spend a good 20 minutes just waiting for a Donsal ride to pass by. I miss walking around town seeing more familiar faces than you would want to see. I miss walking inside the club and knowing almost every face I see. I miss the comfort of the kind of crowd I used to belong to. Bottom line: I just miss being a Kagay-anon.

The past few weeks, a night out with CDO friends has been planned and postponed a couple of times due to schedule constraints. Me with thesis, the others with work. But since I have three thesis-free weeks, we were finally able to meet up and just hang out. Although we all had to meet at the hospital where Charles was confined in due to what was suspected to be dengue, the meeting was still nothing less than fun. What with Janson's "BEAM Smile" act and Raymund's capturing of Janson's motivation of being in front of a camera, we were expecting some knock on the door anytime by a nurse asking us to minimize our noise. Good thing no nurse spoiled our moment.

The night started with dinner with Raymund at Pizza Hut while Paulo, Janson, and Charles were already waiting at the hospital. When Raymund and I got there, of course, as expected, a lot of catching up slash gossiping transpired. From schoolmates to teachers to all the "crimes" and pranks pulled. Paulo had to leave earlier so he can change for the night out and meet up with us later on. And while we were waiting for Pau, Janson's shining moment occurred, which was, by the way, blamed on the inverted buko pie. (Video to be posted depending on what will be negotiated. Hi Jan! Hihi). Now I wonder what Rose, Charles' girlfriend, thinks of us Liceans now. Haha! But anyway, we all dwelled on Janson's "BEAM Smile" act and laughed our hearts out for a while. As the night was already running late, we had to leave and let Charles rest. Raymund and I had coffee and met up with Pau and his cousin at IT Park while Janson went home as he has class the following morning. I and the rest of the guys played cards over a few bottles of beer while the three of 'em were girlie watching. I was, as usual, the only rose among the thorns. Being the one-of-the-guys type as I always was, I had fun with being the only girl in the group. And though the things that transpired during the night out were not that extraordinary, so to speak, it as one night I didn't have for five long years --- a night with CDO friends.

I can't explain how comforting it is for me to be with CDO people, really. I, too, find it weird. But melodrama aside, I really, really miss CDO. The places I used to go to, the spots I frequented at, the people I go out with, the friends whose existence gives me relief from all of life's diversions... I can go blabbing about it for hours but it all boils down to one thing: nothing beats good ol' CDO. Ask every Kagay-anon in town. Even the sophistication of other far more beautiful places can't beat the feel of CDO. Maybe that's why it is called The City of Golden Friendship. Or maybe I just miss the place that much. Whatever the case, CDO will always be home to me.

And, oh, I'm looking forward to another night out with the guys. Now that Charles is out of the hospital (thank God), our long anticipated get together will be planned again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the schedule constraints. But, yeah, if there's a will, there's always a way. See you soon, guys!

Ang dahilan sa tanan. (Peace Jan! hihi)

19 October 2009

What Goes Around Comes Around

Everything you say, everything you do, everything you try to feed into other people's minds... it's all gunna come back to you. And when it does, it's gunna hit you real hard the least moment you expect it to. So don't expect to stay on top all the time. People may not talk back against you like you do to them but it just shows how much of a low life malignantly insecure person you are. You may feel superior just because people don't talk bad against you when you do them worse, it's just that people wouldn't wanna stoop to your level. You can actually blabber about all the tiniest fault you find in others and all the what nots but that still doesn't make you any better than any of the people you target. If that's what makes you feel better, then go ahead and indulge. But at the end of the day, it still won't make you even a little better because your insecurity will slowly eat the whole of you. Listen to yourself in silence. Tell me, how would you like to be remembered??? Karma's a b*tch and it sure does know how to make your life miserable. Say hi to karma for me when it finally find its way to you.

30 August 2009

Old Friends in a Different World♥♥♥

The past two days I spent with two persons from my past.
It felt real good to relive a part of me I don't get to make use of in my new world...

• the carefree Shengoy who laughs at the littlest things.


• the careless Shengoy who says whatever is in mind and will not be afraid of being rejected because the truth is what her friends would want to hear.


• the uber kulit Shengoy who can just be clumsy and childish, and get someone else's lollipop straight from a friend's mouth and just laugh it off and exchange lollies with her friends when her lollie's flavor is getting boring.


• the ultra poised Shengoy who wouldn't mind losing her poise just to do fun stuff with her friends.
  
  
• the kikay Shengoy who can be all maarte and mataray and maingay without the fear of being stereotyped.

These symptoms of me are still part of the person I am now.
I'm still the same Shengoy, only "different".
I'm still the same Shengoy, just with different manifestations.
But the little girl in me is still the same.
It's just that when you're in a different world, you are sometimes forced to become another (yet the same) person.
The world is changing and I'm changing with it.
But the past two days made me realize that despite being a different person in a different place, the presence of friends can make you feel and be the same person you are when you are with them.
And so, despite the busy schedules and different worlds we live in, I'm glad I was able to spend time with two of the people who know me way better than most people I know. :)

17 JULY '09, Friday
10:00AM - went to school
03:00PM - went home to change, went to Helsey's for the thesis.
06:30PM - met up with Raymund at Ayala where he "gave" me the chicharon he supposedly bought for me but ended up eating most of it on the way to Zyra's and left two pieces of it (just because he can't finish it off anymore due to his thirst) and gave it to Zyra.
07:10PM - went to Blue Magic and bought the anthrax baby gift for Zyra.
07:15PM - on the way to Zyra's.
07:35PM - arrived at Zyra's, met some new faces, ate a lot, danced, sang, drank a little, took lots of pics, went crazy, talked a lot, laughed some more.
11:45PM - bid goodbye but ended up taking more pics, and said a dozen goodbyes that turned into more talks.

18 JULY '09
12:10AM - finally went out of the gate, happy about the gathering, sad that it had to end, anxious to get to get back to Helsey's place for the thesis.
12:20AM - arrived at Helsey's and off to working on the nabitin na thesis.
08:30AM - ate breakfast with the thesis group, went home, printed the output, took a bath, went back to school, submitted the first part of the thesis, went back to Zyra's place after.
01:00PM - arrived at Zyra's place (again), had lunch, talked a lot, went up to her room, took what seemed like a 10minute nap, and waited for Raymund to arrive.
03:00PM - uber talked (as usual) and ate M&M's while watching TV
04:00PM - cooked lotsa popcorn, made iced tea. TV session.
06:30PM - left Zyra's place with Raymund, went to Paseo Arcenas to eat, dropped by Chains, looked at lotsa stuff, accidentally damaged a dog's eye printed on a mug (ooops!) and laughed so hard we had to go out before someone finds out. And oh, we were trying to keep our eyes from rolling over some annoyingly loud teenagers at the PUJ!
09:00PM - went to Ayala, wandered inside FullyBooked, played kiddie games at Timezone and hammered lotsa alligators' heads, lost over an air hockey game, felt like a kid and rode a kiddie ride and took pics, played some shooting game that made both of us scream in enthusiasm (haha), ate this uber indulgent chocolate cake at Postrio, took crazy pics, and talked more. (the talks Zyra would like to refer to as the convos that make us realize we are indeed getting older)
11:50PM - lights at the Terraces are gradually being turned off one by one. Postrio closed already. Good thing we were outside so we get to keep our seats.

19 JULY '09
12:00AM - been wide awake for more than 24 hours already. Another day ended. Still at Ayala till more lights went off.
12:05AM - we soon realized we had to go home already. Terraces is getting darker. We queued up for a cab, talked some more.
12:20AM - I reached home with both a smile and frown. Happy that I get to spend some time out from the world with my old friends and sad that I am back to the real world in a snap.

Approximately 16 hours spent with those two people truly made me feel like the old person I used to be. Sometimes, there is a comfort in revisiting the things that we love when we were young. And that's what I found: COMFORT. :)

Thanks guys! The three of us lived separate lives in totally different worlds when we left HS but now that the three of us are living in a world far from CDO, it brings comfort knowing there are familiar faces that brings the same ol' solace.

And that's when I felt that

I'm hoping to seeing more of you. :)

MWAHUGZ!♥♥♥

20 July 2009

Afterthought, Aftermath

Coming out of a very unsuccessful relationship, I figured it was more than a failure. It was a mistake. And I should've been strong enough to acknowledge that from the start. I was selfish and only thought of how I felt, ignoring the fact that I was in no position to fight for anything. I kindah felt it was only about how I'm feeling and how I want things to be and so I fought as hard to get there. I thought I was happy but I figured later on that I was only trying to convince myself so I can show the world that I am.Truth is, I was struggling every minute of it because I wanted so much to prove to everyone and to myself that I made the right decision. I know deep inside that I didn't. I kept it all to myself because I was so damn afraid to admit it to anybody. Myself included. I kindah hoped that if I didn't say it out loud, I can just make it all go away and things will fall into place without anybody noticing I made a mistake. But it dawned in on me that just because you don't mention something out loud, doesn't mean it doesn't exist because the more you try to deny it of its existence, the more it haunts you till you set things right. I was foolish enough to think that it was love just because it was something I never felt before. It was like going back to the highschool melodrama of relationships. The going-against-all-odds-thrill it brings you. Oh wel, I used to have this fancy for the "I don't care what the world friggin' thinks. I love you and it's all that matters" type of relationships. Talk about being a sucker for "love"! But then I realized, if you start your relationship wrongly, chances are, you might end up wrongly, too. Why choose to start it that way when you can always start right? Some people are just too impatient to wait for certain timing and I was one of those. I admit. But after having gone through one helluva relationship (if you can call it that), I came to a clear resolution that I will no longer vie for the "oh yes he's fighting for me" drama because if things are really bound to work out, you won't have to go against the odds just to get to where you wanna be. It's always a better, greater feeling when you start things at the right time, for the right reasons, and with the right person. It's always a nicer feeling when you won't have to fight against time, against circumstances, and against anyone just so you can be with that one person. And it will always be a lighter feeling when you get to where you are without hurting anybody else in the process. Of course the road will not be very smooth all throughout but you'll be happier when you know you've gone far ahead at you own expense and not that of others'. Given a chance to go a few steps back, I surely will change things for the better. But knowing that I can't, I might as well stay on the positive side and gather all the broken pieces, put it all together, and see the bigger picture. I must learn what the situation is trying to teach me. I've done all of that already. I admit I was broken for a while but I also am thankful it happened to me. It surely led me to a better place, a better person, giving me all the right reasons to keep on going. It surely prepared me for the person who seeks me through God. It surely prepared me for that better place. And it surely makes me believe that at this very moment, I'M ALREADY THERE. =)

28 May 2009