Meeting Halfway

The other night, a good friend asked me something that made me think deeply. Is marriage worth it? Are the sacrifices one makes for the other's happiness enough to stay married? It took me a while to send him my reply. I want to give him an answer that can actually help. So I asked myself the same question. Are the sacrifices one makes for the other's happiness enough to keep a marriage? Or any relationship for that matter? The question left me dumbfounded for a few minutes as I stare at my phone. Then came my reply.

Only he can answer that for himself. Whatever is happening to him and his marriage, only the both of them know the whole of it. Her story may be different from his but if they put it together, that makes their story whole.

How far can your commitment go? Only you can answer that. It varies with one's definition of commitment, too.I'm no expert on relationships. At an early age, I've fallen way too many times than I planned or wanted. But this I know: if I give myself, it's all or nothing. No in betweens. It's hard for me to know when enough is enough. It bewilders me everytime. So to answer another's relationship predicaments may not be a thing meant for me cuz I, too, am experiencing some of my own.

How one deals with his relationship dilemmas is very relative. Sure, one tires along the way. One grows weary and cumbersome as kilig moments turn dull and everything else turns into a routine. But one can't expect for everything to be magical every second, can one? Magical moments soon turn into reality and this is where true love and commitment is measured. Ideally, love is supposed to make us happy all the time. But in reality, love goes through a point when holding on is hard as hell because things are not as magical as it once was. It's just a phase, however. Something everybody goes through. It's just a matter of handling it. That's how we all differ. Once you get out of that phase with your relationship still alive, it'll only make the relationship stronger.

This is to say that communication is the key to EVERY relationship whether romantic or just platonic. Otherwise, you'll just keep on guessing what the other is thinking. On the contrary, communication has always been guys' dilemma. They refuse to say what's on their minds for various reasons only they can understand. There are times when you're poles apart as to which direction to take, whose need is to be addressed first. But you don't always have to be in the same direction, do you? Sometimes it's more important to meet halfway. Sometimes, one will just give in to the other's wishes just to close the case, end an argument, and call it a day, even when it denies you of what will make you happy. Well that's not always how it's supposed to be and we all know it. We can't make other people happy if we're not happy. Sometimes we forget that it also is important to make ourselves happy. Maybe this is when we should start resetting our priorities. Cuz no matter how strong we think we are, we will always reach the end of our threshold.

That same question suddenly made me evaluate my current status. Everyone who knows me knows quite well that I am very open and straightforward. Communication on my part is not an issue. However, communication doesn't work on a one-way street. No matter how open a person is, a response is always needed. One can't always keep guessing what the other wants, feels, needs... And one shouldn't let the other keep guessing or give in to his wishes. As with any relationship, channels must be open both ways. Otherwise, no issue can be solved. It may not be visible on the surface but it will always be kept inside like a dormant volcano. Silent on the outside but waiting to erupt on only God knows when. It's always easier said than done, I know. There really are people who find it hard to express how they feel, what they want, how they want things to be. How easy is it to admit one's fears, one's insecurities, one's doubts? No one's an expert on that. Still, it must not be kept for life.

At one point, we all need to let it all out, find some sort of relief... But the question stands still.Are the sacrifices one makes for the other's happiness enough to keep a relationship? Well if I am to answer that for anyone, as martyr as I am, I'd say yes. I'd take all of what I need to take (and even those I don't) just to make the other happy. When I commit myself to someone, it's always all or nothing. No in betweens. Just black or white. No shades of gray. Still, no matter how far from sight the end of my threshold is, there is still an end. So I might need someone who understands that no matter how strong I am, I do feel weak at certain times, too. I don't need someone who'd say yes to all of my heart's desires. Just someone willing to meet me halfway. I think the same goes for any relationship. It's inevitable that you don't get to agree on things all the time. But if you agree to disagree and respect each other's differences, at the end of the day, things will be just fine.

Nothing's more perfect than having someone who sees beyond your imperfections, your flaws, and foibles. That beats all the notion of perfect relationships. And if one is sensitive enough, one won't wait for the other to ask him to meet halfway. Cuz if one is sensitive enough, he'll be on his way without him being asked. So how do I know all these, you might ask? Well I've been into a roller coaster of emotions just to get to where I'm at. Now I know way better than just pray for my heart's wishes to come true. I find it more important to pray for the other's fulfillment of dreams. Martyr much? I told you so... *wink*

4 November 2009